Rita Rudner Quotes About Funny
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.
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I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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All men would still really like to own a train set.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".
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I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
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If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
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Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
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Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
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Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
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Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.
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If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
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A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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