Rita Rudner Quotes About Comedy
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
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Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
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It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
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