Rodney Dangerfield Quotes About Morning
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I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness. It's always there since I'm a kid. Other people wake up in the morning, 'A new day! Ah, up and at 'em!' I wake up, the heaviness is waiting for me nice. Sometimes I even talk to it. I say [adopts cheerful voice] 'Hi, heaviness!' and the heaviness looks back at me, [in an ominous growl] 'Today you're gonna get it good. You'll be drinking early today.'
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.
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