Dave Barry Quotes About God
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Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.
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And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
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Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
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Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
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The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
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Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
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Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.
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Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
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Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
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Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
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I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.
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Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
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Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
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Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
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Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.
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Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?
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Sign outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
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Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
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A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.
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Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
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Too many rocks in the mountains.
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Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
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Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
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