Vasectomy Quotes

• With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

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  Rodney Dangerfield

  Respect   Doctors   Needs  

  1851

• If you can imagine a man having a vasectomy without anesthetic to the sound of frantic sitar-playing, you will have some idea of what popular Turkish music is like.

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  Bill Bryson

  Men   Ideas   Sound  

  1436

• A program of sterilizing women after their second or third child, despite the relatively greater difficulty of the operation than vasectomy, might be easier to implement than trying to sterilize men.

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  John Holdren

  Children   Men   Trying  

  "Why Are We Still Listening to Progressives About the Environment?" By Glenn Beck, www.foxnews.com. September 2, 2009.

  5192

• The taxpayers cannot be relied upon to support performing arts such as opera. As a taxpayer, I am forced to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.

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  Dave Barry

  Music   Weed   Art  

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.147, Crown Archetype

  2346

• Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells.

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  Jay Leno

  Holiday   Men   Giving  

  4271

• I wandered over across the hall where they were showing a short movie about vasectomies. Much later I told her that I'd actually gotten a vasectomy a long time ago, and somebody else must have gotten her pregnant. I also told her once that I had inoperable cancer and would soon be passed away and gone, eternally. But nothing I could think up, no matter how dramatic or horrible, ever made her repent or love me the way she had at first, before she really knew me.

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  Denis Johnson

  Cancer   Thinking   Long  

  Denis Johnson (2009). “Jesus' Son: Stories”, p.54, Farrar, Straus and Giroux

  4622

• I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.

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  Dave Barry

  Funny   Weed   Humorous  

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.147, Crown Archetype

  1544

• Vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

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  Larry Adler

  Love   Movie   Romantic  

  Larry Adler, Philip Judge (1994). “Me and My Big Mouth”, Blake Pub

  2523

• You never want to be the worst bowler of the group-because then everyone treats you like you have cancer. "You can do it! We're praying for you." The advice starts. "Use a heavier ball." "Keep your arm straight." "You should get a vasectomy." If you're really bad at bowling like me, they'll ask if want the bumpers up. Not that bowling is that complex anyway. "You want the bumpers? We can get rid of the pins. Why don't you take this coloring book and sit in the corner?"

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  Jim Gaffigan

  Funny   Cancer   Book  

  4371

• If you make one mistake, it can result in vasectomy.

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  John G. Rowland

  Sports   Mistake   Hockey  

  798

• A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

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  Henny Youngman

  Funny   Humor   Men  

  1109

• After doing One Fine Day and playing a pediatrician on ER, I'll never have kids. I'm going to have a vasectomy.

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  George Clooney

  Kids   Vasectomy   Fine  

  2138