Gilbert Gottfried Quotes
-
R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
→ -
The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.
→ -
I always felt bad for Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa lived a whole life helping starving children and dying villages, but she could never be declared a saint 'cause she never actually performed a miracle. And it was towards the end, she was desperate to perform a miracle, so she would go up to starving children and go, 'What's that behind your ear? It's a quarter!
→ -
If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.
→ -
I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
→ -
I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
→ -
When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters.
→ -
One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.
→ -
Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
→ -
I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.
→ -
I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.
→ -
I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?
→ -
I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashians divorce before she did.
→ -
I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.
→ -
I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families.
→ -
I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley.
→ -
Nothing can help my comedy.
→ -
I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.
→ -
A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.
→ -
I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.
→ -
I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.
→ -
In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
→ -
You can say "ass," but you can't say "asshole." That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an "ass." Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.
→ -
I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood.
→ -
I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
→ -
If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
→ -
There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.
→ -
If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.'
→ -
I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.
→ -
I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party at a hotel afterwards where the speakers were blasting 'Shakedown,' a song from the movie. That felt like a show biz moment to me.
→
Related Authors
-
Norm MacDonald Comedian -
Robin Williams Actor -
Liz Callaway Film actress -
Ron Clements Animation Director -
Bob Saget Comedian -
John Ritter Actor -
John Musker Animation Director -
Frank Welker Actor -
Howard Stern Radio personality -
Seth MacFarlane Actor -
Artie Lange Actor -
Robin Thicke Singer-songwriter -
Jeff Ross Stand-up comedian -
Amy Yasbeck Film actress -
Lisa Lampanelli Stand-up comedian -
Penn Jillette Illusionist -
Alan Thicke Actor -
Joan Rivers Television Personality -
Greg Giraldo Stand-up comedian -
Roseanne Barr Actress