Garry Shandling Quotes
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I don't talk about my hair anymore because I've matured. I matured and realized it doesn't matter what you look like. It's what kind of hair you have inside that counts.
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I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
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I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.
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My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"
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I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe it would be fun occasionally. It's hard for me to have fun and I'm a serious thinker and a searcher and funny from the front.
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Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon.
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I remember learning to drive on my dad's lap. Did you guys ever do that? He'd work the brakes. I'd work the wheel. Then I went to take the driver's test and sat on the examiner's lap. I failed the exam. But he still writes to me. That's the really nice part.
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I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know. 'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?
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Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?"
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I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.
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Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.
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I don''t like this reality television, I have to be honest;I think real people should not be on television; It''s for special people like us, people who have trained and studied to appear to be real
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I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.
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Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.
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Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship.
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I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there.
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Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with.
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But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone.
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I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.
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I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.
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Yes, I'm a nice man and I enjoy babies. I'm a sensitive guy. I held a baby the other day and it was the first time either of us cried.
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It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.
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They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.
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You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't.
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My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.
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I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.
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I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
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I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session.
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Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name?
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Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids.
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